Dr. Scott G. McKay (mckay_md) wrote in houserpg,
Dr. Scott G. McKay
mckay_md
houserpg

[Log] Benson/McKay, good-bye UST

Real obligations. It was something that Benson had forgotten at NJ General. There just really weren't as many as there were in Princeton-Plainsborough Teaching Hospital. But either way, after being there for 3 whole days, he was getting used to the flood of paperwork. It came over him in tidings and waves and washed him over with a polite and rather comforting, cleansing feeling.

And although it had been 3 days, which could seem little to some, a lot to others, he hadn't seen anyone familiar. He wasn't avoiding them. It was just that he wasn't making an effort to search them out. After all, he'd left so abruptly and so shortly without notice and goodbyes. It was embarrassing. And maybe just wasn't right. He told himself he was just here for work, and then he'd leave again. So the idea was to just pretend to be invisible or something.

But along with obligations, Princeton-Plainsborough Teaching Hospital had a knack for being full of rumors, and most of them traveling via word of mouth. A nurse’s word of mouth to be exact. It wasn’t as stereotypical as it sounded, since interns tended to be “cliquey” so a given rumor would rarely travel out of their groups, which was the same with the cafeteria staff. So by default, nurses were the more efficient messengers. More deceptive than a beeper, and more talkative than a flock of gulls. No wonder McKay liked them. Then again, he tended to send them away weak-kneed from his smiles or in desperate need to undergo insulin shock, but the rumors still got to him, nevertheless.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, the certain rumor about a tell-tale OB-GYN doctor who’d arrived to assist a consult was so twisted by the time it reached McKay’s ears, he held no interest. It wasn’t too surprising, since many in the staff noticed the Neurology Department Head would frown and get a sort of distant look whenever the OB-GYN Department was even mentioned, and that he more or less stayed very far away from that particular wing. Though it didn’t mean he didn’t roam freely everywhere else. He did, which was why he was quite a ways away from any sort of talkative nurse and from his own Department at the moment, wandering down to the lobby with an intent to attack their new java machine.

Speaking of java machines, Elliot had heard of a new one and had arched a brow at it, being that he was now more of a coffee fiend then he'd ever been before, and decided to take a break and chop away the chains that held him to his paperwork or rather, work in general. Only a consult, but still a lot of paperwork nonetheless. He set all but a folder aside, and headed down the hall to where the semi-mysterious java machine was rumored to be.

It wasn't long before he spotted it, because it was quite near the OB-GYN department, and he felt relatively pleased about finding it, and having it so near to his teeny tiny office. It would no doubt be a relief from his paperwork. And as he rounded the corner to go over to it, he stopped rather abruptly at a familiar figure that he had hoped he wouldn't see so soon. Not that he didn't want to see him. It was just that he didn't feel prepared or ready. Elliot discovered that he hadn't been spotted, so he backed up and turned away to head back where he came from.

Alas for Benson, he had been spotted. Out of mere chance, but he was seen nonetheless, McKay now staring at the other doctor’s retreating back with a wide-eyed look. The java machine was promptly forgotten as a million questions, emotions, and disbeliefs crashed down on the normally cheery neurologist, and the file he was holding fluttered to the floor, forgotten as well. “Now this… must be what if feels like to go insane,” he murmured to himself before his feet moved on their own, jogging after his coworker. Ex-coworker.

“Benson!” It was a good thing he chased after everything until the bitter end, that he was never good at letting go, or else he might’ve convinced himself that it was a hallucination. “Oi! Benson!”

What could Elliot do except stop? He slowed down to a halt, glancing down at his shined shoes, sliding his hands into his pockets before his broad shoulders slumped and he turned around to face McKay. His eyes flickered over McKay's facial features, his gaze running over memories. His old friend hadn't changed much. Not much at all, actually. He blinked and licked his lips once, thinking about what to say. Too many things to say, not enough words. Or something like that sort.

He gave a little nod as McKay moved closer. "Hey, Scott." Elliot said softly, his eyes glittering some with a bit of emotion. He offered a slightly dimpled smile. "You look good, man." It was said almost affectionately.

“Right…” When Benson stopped, so did McKay, and he felt himself freeze up. Now that he was very much not a hallucination, he was too real. Way too real and the neurologist floundered with which emotion to chose. He went with a more reckless one. “You too, but right now, you might want to stand back for a few second. I have an uncharacteristic desire to take a swing at you.” He gave a stretched, lopsided grin that was all the more forced. Oh to be brutally honest.

But what else was he left with? Ever since Benson had more or less disappeared, he was in pieces. The unnoticeable kind of pieces that were spread quite far with a mere breath. And with all that coming back and slapping him in the face, he was starting to wish that this moment wasn’t happening at all. Maybe in a few minutes, he wouldn’t be able to deal with the fact that Benson really was standing right there. “But aside from unprofessional violence, what are you doing here?” Why are you here? How long have you been here? Why did you come see me? Why did you leave?

In pieces indeed.

Benson stared at McKay for a minute, his head tilted slightly as he watched him. "I'm here for a consult." He said simply, not giving anymore information because really, he didn't know how to give it. And because it hadn't been asked. Elliot looked alright, though there was a little slump that hugged around his shoulders that really hadn't been there before, even when he was a crazyass drunkard.

He shifted slightly, a delayed reaction to McKay's violence remark. Instead of stepping backwards as suggested, he took two careful steps forward. "I guess I deserve it." There was an apology written all over Elliot's face when he looked at Scott. There was a long pause, then, ".....Scott..." as if there were an explanation somewhere that he wanted to give. But it just trailed off and was cut off and replaced with a question, "...How are you?" Dumb question, but it was something, and Benson genuinely wanted to know.

A consult. McKay thought that over, reasoning that I meant Benson was still working and only here temporarily. Temporarily meaning he was going to disappear again, to wherever he was now. So he couldn’t help but frown as he gave his old friend a thorough look-over, his fists absently clenching at his sides. Though even if he was going to seriously hit him, he was disarmed as the OB-GYN stepped forward.

The sort of wide-eyed look returned as he read the apology, then closed his eyes for a long moment at the sound of his name. It was getting more painful, but he reasoned it was better than feeling nothing at the moment. So when he did move, it was only to stretch out an arm and flick Benson’s nose. “I‘m still disappointed in you… but…” McKay shrugged, moving again, but this time to put both hands into his pockets. “I‘ve been the same. Working and such…” Vague details for vague details.

Benson gave only a half smile. And they stood there facing each other with both hands in their pockets before Elliot dropped his gaze to his shoes. An awkward moment for Elliot because there was a lot he wanted to say to Scott. He huffed out an exhale, and just stood there, his lips in a grim line as his mind contemplated and tried to grab the correct sentences and the right words.

And maybe the words that he was about to say weren't the right ones, but they were the first step to saying what was on his mind. He just didn't want to end this first meeting in a long time with an arguement or something they'd both regret. "I didn't mean to leave without telling you." His voice was soft, his eyes not meeting Scott's eyes as he said this, as he was trying to say the right thing, even if it might be the wrong thing.

Once more, he found himself deflated. For one, he was completely unsure how to take Benson‘s expression. He looked like a kicked puppy of sorts, so he just stood there, blinking at him. He hadn’t expected the other doctor to simply bring the subject out either. To just put it between them. McKay truthfully wasn’t mad. Sure he had been angry for the first week or so after Benson disappeared, but the anger diminished into more rational thought. Into the disappointment and the sadness. Into the unnerving feeling of how empty the hospital seemed to become… This wasn’t a show. No show and the neurologist was left to be serious as well. The fake smile disappeared and he more or less looked crushed. “But you did.”

McKay rubbed the back of his neck idly. “You did. You just…. disappeared. And you know, disappointment aside, I was so worried about you.”

"Yeah. You're right, I did." He took a hand out of his pocket to scratch the side of his head, his eyes finally looking to McKay, the hurt look on Scott's face hurting Elliot. "I was wrong about doing it. But, Scott...I didn't see..." His voice trailed off again, but he took a deep breath and said in a bit of a strong voice, "I-I didn't see how I could care about you if I didn't care about myself." The way he said the sentence was rather fast, and his eyes fell back onto the ground.

He just gave a slight nod, staring at McKay's shoes. "I-I..." He blinked twice, and then said the first thing that came to mind, "I've got work to do." He took a step back, looking uncomfortable, and maybe too embarrassed to look at Scott.

With every direction the conversation could’ve went, that was one of the last things McKay expected to hear. Or rather, the thought of that never even crossed his, and perhaps that was why his mouth went very dry. And why he started to scream ‘don’t assume anything’ in his mind. If none of the other emotions or exchanged words were things he could handle, this was something he couldn’t. Not right then at least. No matter how underrated honesty was, sometimes it was too much, or so McKay found as he reflexively recoiled a step.

“Elliot…” He was not assuming. He was confused but not assuming. And perhaps a little desperate for answers, to talk this over, to be able to smile normally again, which is shy he brought himself back. Why the neurologist quickly grabbed hold of Benson’s arm so he couldn’t go anywhere. “Um… Well, work can‘t be avoid I guess, but… Come to my office? Now? Later? So we can talk some more? I… Just… Just don‘t disappear without saying goodbye again. Please.” If a thirty-something year-old could babble, he was babbling, and a little flushed at that.

Startled, he looked at Scott, his mouth open in a little shocked expression. The firm line that had been on his lips softening just a bit as his gaze wandered to Scott's hand on his arm. Sliding his arm gently from Scott's grip, allowing fingers to touch and cling to the other doctor's sleeve for a moment, he shot Scott a hesitant look.

"Work can be avoided, I think." He said suddenly, changing his mind, his eyes flickering to where his long fingers clung to McKay's sleeve before letting go and sliding back into his own labcoat pocket. "I...I want to talk." He wanted to smooth this over. And he wanted to see McKay smile again. Really smile.

And in all honesty, he didnt' care if Scott was babbling or not. Though the flush that came across Scott's cheeks caught Benson's eyes, and a slight flicker of a smile. Just a flicker.

McKay looked more hopeful than he had intended at his friend’s words. He was relieved too, letting his arm drop to his side like a dead-weight when it was detached, then finding comfort in the slight tugs on his sleeve as it was held. He really had missed Benson. Missed everything-- now how long had it been? Around four months? That was not an extremely long time to have lost someone, but it was long enough.

“Okay,” the neurologist nodded. Talking was good, great even, but why did he suddenly have to feel nervous about it? “My office is still in the same place so… Yeah… Let‘s go.” Nervous and a little awkward now that they’d stepped over some sort of hurtle. Now he just wanted the privacy of his office to continue striving over whatever distance four months left between them.

It was highly suspect that maybe they were more then friends. Or rather, wanted to be. Well actually, Benson really couldn't speak for anyone else but himself. Ha. Following his friend to into the office that he'd used to come into, heaving skittles, he looked around it immediately once entered. He looked for any changes, though he didn't seem to find many.

When he'd took a glance around he stared hard at Scott, wondering where to even begin. He rubbed his eyes for a moment, conjuring things to say. But then he just rolled his broad shoulders back and decided to let Scott start the conversation since his thoughts were everywhere.

It had been hard to not just watch Benson as they made their way to him office, and was even more so when he closed his office’s door. McKay just wanted to make sure he was still there and not going anywhere, and even went as far as to hover around the door for a moment before sighing and making his way to his chair. Taking off his labcoat, he threw it over the back of it. “Please, sit down.” He motioned to the other chair, so that his desk was between them, but the neurologist was unsure about sitting himself.

He fidgeted a little, then absently rubbed his forearm with another sigh. “Yeah…”

Benson remained standing, not wanting to sit because he was just too agitated. He stood there by the door, staring at the other, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Since McKay hadn't started their conversation really, he shut his eyes and let out in an exhale of words, "I'm sorry, Scott." He rested his head against the wall, keeping his eyes shut, thinking about how he'd just left.

Four months was a long time away sometimes-- it had seemed like a long time to him. He didn't want to open his eyes though. Elliot didn't want to see the sad look on McKay's face. Or perhaps the unforgiving one. Or whatever was there, because it obviously wasn't going to be happy. So for the time being, he kept his eyes closed.

McKay was unaware what to do or say when the “sorry” was finally said. Well, he actually did have an impulse to do something. Something that part of him was trying to convince him to do since he spotted Benson. But he wasn’t sure how his friend would react right now if he went up and embraced him. Or more like clung to him, since he always was a clingy type of guy, but his feet remained rooted where he stood a few feet away.

“I guess that’s the kind of thing you’d say,” McKay commented slowly. He couldn’t help if the disappointment was dying away now, leaving the sadness to stab at his side. He suddenly felt that a sort of yelling match would do him justice right now, but the look on Benson’s face kept him quite silent. And that left him with his usually habit: to push everything aside to sulk over it later. “But… it can‘t be helped, hm?”

Benson opened his eyes and looked at his friend. He blinked. "What do you mean?" Moving closer to the table, he placed his fingertips on the corner and watched McKay carefully, trying to figure out what it was McKay was even thinking. In the past, Benson had always had problems figuring out what it was that Scott felt or said or whatever because he'd always kept it in.

"What are you thinking, Scott?" He asked softly, almost a whisper. He wanted to know. What was it that McKay was thinking? Because seriously? Honestly? He had no idea, and he desperately wanted to know.

Absently fiddling with the end of his tie, McKay wasn’t 100% sure what he was thinking. It was a jumble of everything. A strange knot of feelings and thoughts with no end-- or maybe with one end. All roads lead something. Now he just had to realize what that something was. “I mean… you already left, so you can‘t really change what happened, can you? You just have to learn by your mistakes… If you even consider it a mistake…”

Where did that come from? McKay felt as if he was talking about himself again too and sent Benson that very familiar lost look before glancing away again, biting his lower lip. He was unfair, always talking in riddles and incomplete answers. He had to stop doing that. Stop hiding that. Now. Under Benson’s intense gaze. “And… I‘m thinking… I don’t really know what I’m thinking. What should I think? You were gone, and then there you were. I… I know that I am wondering why you came back for the consult.”

The OB-GYN shifted uncomfortably, because he knew the truth. He was embarrassed by the truth. Embarrassed because he still wasn't sure what McKay was thinking. He took a step closer, looking at the smaller doctor with a caring sort of look, wishing that he could rid away that lost expression the neurologist wore.

"I came back because of this place." Elliot's eyes flickered to McKay's jaw, "This...atmosphere...." He murmured in a softer tone. His expression changed into something a bit more serious, "...and..." He couldn't seem to bring himself to say it and he just swallowed thickly.

Speaking of atmosphere, the neurologist hoped that whatever was floating around them would go away quickly, especially with Benson approaching like that. With every single movement, McKay felt a jump of nervousness and that God-forsaken fluttering feeling in his chest. It must’ve been what bad romance novels called a “skipped heartbeat,” he reasoned. And yelling at himself about making assumptions again quickly followed.

Putting out a hand, McKay steadied himself on a nearby bookshelf, his other hand falling away from his tie to simply play with his cuff. Too many nervous habits and he was praying for normality. For cheerful grins and smirks and wit. Not this uneasiness or the incomplete feeling. Yes, that what was he was thinking. He wanted Benson back. “And what…?”

Faltering, distracted by McKay's fidgeting, he grabbed McKay by the wrist to make him stop. Staring at McKay's hand, he forced himself to say it, even if it were cheesy. He had come back here to do a consult, but also, to talk to McKay. He had to say it. Opening his mouth, and shutting it, he opened it again and said," You. I missed you a lot." He said it curtly, but only because he wanted to get it out as fast as he could because it was just so embarrassing and just damn cheesy.

He licked his lips nervously, wondering if McKay would think he was just damn retarded. Without meaning to or thinking about it, he let go of McKay's wrist, and took a step back, feeling as if he'd invaded McKay's space without permission. An invasion of sorts.

McKay had to keep himself from jerking his hand away when it was caught. It was fine that it was Benson, since there were no secrets with him about what lay beneath his sleeves, but it was a reflex. One that was hard to control because it was sensitive to him, both physically and mentally. But of course, Benson couldn’t have gone after it for that reason. He was just holding him still as he said something McKay always found it easier to admit to. Needless to say, he looked more than a little shocked.

How do you respond to something like that? Especially when Benson looked so miserably uncomfortable after the fact? It had been nice and heartwarming to hear. The OB-GYN hadn’t been kind enough to say good-bye, but he was kind enough to miss him, so McKay gave a gentle smile and put a hand on Benson’s shoulder. “Must‘ve been a mutual thing.”

Benson stared at him, surprised to hear that, and looked at him with a tired relieved sort of look. Like he'd been thinking about it too much and the first drop that had spilled out had caused him much more release. Scott's hand on Elliot's shoulder comforted the OB-GYN doctor and he placed his own hand over it, tilting his head slightly.

He blinked and allowed his own thumb to gently stroke across Scott's knuckles. But that was all he allowed himself. Leaving had left him with guilt, and he felt he had to earn anything else.

Finally, they had reached some form of understanding. McKay literally basked in the content moment, still resisting the urge to hug the other but left his smile unchecked, allowing the upward tug at his lips grow to a wider grin. It was appreciation and the coiled nervousness drained away from the movement of Benson’s thumb. That and the simple touch almost made him want to shiver.

But even good moments ended and McKay’s smile faltered. A thought dawned on him and he needed to know the answer right away. “How long are here for?”

Benson blinked and his relieved expression changed as well. "I-I don't know. Whenever this patient gets cured. If she gets curied." He blinked and suddenly felt something wrench tightly in his chest. He had moved and now lived far away from PP-TH and commuted now. At first, he hadn't wanted or expected to stay long. But now he wanted different. He hadn't expected it to peirce so hard.

"I...I'm commuting, though lately I just brought a week's change of clothes and stuck 'em in my closet. Shower downstairs at the gym. Eat at the cafeteria. Sleep on the chairs in my office." He gave a little grin at Scott. "I don't even have my big Department Head office anymore." The smile disappeared, because that reminded him of his temporary job here. And he repeated,".....I don't know, Scott." He didn't let go of McKay's hand though.

McKay frowned. Some doctor he was, wishing for a patient to never get better. But that aside, he dwelled on the deep, foreboding feeling that Benson was going to eventually leave again. And it hurt a lot since he didn’t know when, making the neurologist wonder how long he had… Another thought appeared, asking how long he had for what? “Well… Just remember to say good-bye this time.” The lopsided grin was out of place, yet there to hide the fact he almost felt like he was dying.

His hand still quite comfortable beneath the other, McKay moved it the least bit. He adjust his hand so he could vaguely press downward with his thumb, rubbing small circles on Benson’s shoulder. The thought of the other doctor cramming himself into a small office was quite worrisome. Commuting or not, one would think he could take better care of himself. It made him chuckle a little. “Then stay with me.” Embarrassing himself at his blunt statement, he ducked his head. “You can if you want to.”

He shifted just a bit so that his hip was leaning against the desk, his hand plucking McKay's hand from his shoulder so that he could hold the neurogist's hands inbetween his own. Just to feel the weight and the warmth and the touch. It was undeniably comforting. Even to the fact that he was going to leave again. But he just pushed it out of his mind.

"Stay at your place?" Benson blinked for a second, contemplating it. "No....I couldn't." He said firmly. "I can't intrude on you, that's just not right." He let his fingers graze along the back of Mckay's hand, "Thank you for the offer though."

He was silent as his hand was moved, watching it be held. His fingers seemed to have a mind of their own and fidgeted again, but only for a second or so. McKay just kept watching it, not raising his eyes again. He was unable to stop the feeling of rejection when Benson declined his offer, feeling that there was once again a distance between them. Perhaps one he could not cross. “It wouldn‘t be intruding,” the neurologist commented stubbornly, if not quietly. “Just one friend helping out another.”

"Really? Then....okay." He gave a small smile as he stared at McKay's hand. He blinked once and turned it over. Now he knew he was intruding when he tugged up the sleeve. But he was gentle and unjudging, though he felt like he wanted to cry when he saw them.

He couldn't help it and with ultimate care, he kissed McKay's palm. Goddamnit, no one would ever realize how long he had wanted to do that. Just kiss some part of this damned neurologist. Any part. Even that little section of palm.

McKay was all smiles when Benson accepted his invitation, but any time to rejoice in it was fleeting. It wasn’t as if Benson would be there to stay, and in the present, he was more than a little speechless at his actions. The former was fine, since the other doctor was the only person he’d let do that, to reveal his scars. As frightening and deeps at they were, they weren’t going to fade away. They were one guarantee McKay could hold onto, since he put them there to begin with. So it was the second action that sent his mind spinning. The gentle kiss that made his eyes close for a moment.

“Elliot…” he trailed off softly, not pulling away. He didn’t want to pull away, and though millions of questions were bunched into that one name, he felt calm.

Benson mistakened that as McKay being uncomfortable, and perhaps a line that definately wasn't supposed to be crossed and let go, embarassed, his face flushing slightly. He looked down at the table. "I'm sorry." He shook his head, repeating. "I'm sorry." He looked everywhere except McKay's face. "I just-" It didn't come out. "I just..."

He shook his head and just repeated for the third time. "I-I'm sorry." He looked like someone who'd done something wrong, and knew he had done something wrong, but hadn't been able to help himself.

Life really had to stop shocking him today. He only watched Benson withdraw and stumble with his words for a second or two before he closed the distance between them, touching his arm lightly again in an attempt to calm him. To tell him that it was right. “Hey… hey, Elliot…” And to tell him he hadn’t minded at all. But words were never that simple.

“Why are you apologizing?” Despite the slight seriousness of what just happened, of something McKay never thought would happen, he was smiling. He could still feel the warmth of breath and the slightly moist touch of lips on his palm. But the expression lessened. What if it was an accident? Really, why would Benson do that…? “Are you taking it back?” The question was asked fearfully.

Taking it back? "No!" It was said so fast it that someone could've tripped over that word. He swallowed hard. "I just didn't...think you'd..." Falter falter stare. Four months of anger management had seriously made Benson become bumbling idiot. Almost, anyway.

He looked at McKay, blinking, looking almost exhausted from all that worrying. He reached up to touch McKay's cheek, but stopped, his hand hovering there for a split moment before Benson's gaze switched to teh ground.

Jumping at the exclamation, McKay was left to chuckle. It was strange how he was still appearing so collected when right now, he was a jumble of terror, nervousness, and excitement, but he decided to stay strong and muse over the whole situation. Benson had been gone up until now. Gone, not there, disappeared for four month, but what a way to come back into his life. It seemed like they’d both gained a little bit out of their months apart after all.

The neurologist caught Benson’s hand, touching it to his cheek for him with a goofy sort of grin. Now would be the right time for assumptions. “Didn‘t think I what, hm?” McKay felt giddy enough, so he allowed himself to take advantage of the situation, to gain a mischievous glint in his eyes before leaning in closer, placing a soft kiss on the other doctor's chin. He looked victorious as he drew away. “Now we’re even.”

His lips curled up in a smile and he felt McKay's cheek against his palm. He couldn't really say anything because he was equally giddy. Placing his other hand on the other side of McKay's face, he stared at him for a minute before leaning over and letting his lips press against the others.

When he'd pulled away, he let go of Scott's face and gave a little smile, almost sheepish. "I've been wanting to do that for......more then four months." Stare.

“Really?” A rather ungraceful response on McKay’s part, having just been kissed by Benson and all. But it might take another half hour or so for that fact to fully sink in. The neurologist just wasn’t sure were to place it other than Benson had just confessed something quite heavy with it. And the weight was very welcome. “I mean… well…” And now he was stumbling, not realizing how that goofy grin was still plastered on his face. “Ahha. No, wait, now this is what going insane feels like. Urge to skip down the hallway singing and all. No wonder so many people do it… But I can probably say I‘ve been waiting for as long as you.”

Releasing nervous energy did make him talkative. More so since he didn’t know what to do with himself now either.

Elliot just stared at him with slight amusement as he stuffed his hands into his pocket and leaned against McKay's desk. He didn't say anything, but more or less enjoying the fact that McKay was rambling. Because it just was so adorable. He stifled a broad smile, and just ended up being a little one since he couldn't suppress it all.

Pulling his hand out of his pocket, his fingers clung lightly to the end of McKay's sleeve. Just because....well, just because.

After several more jittery words, McKay finally clamped his mouth shut, but that didn’t keep him from grinning. As thrilled as he was, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was a whole rush to this. That it was unannounced and unplanned, no matter how long they may have been waiting and walking circles around each other before. Benson was back, in a sense, and had kissed him a few moments ago. So now…

“Now what?” McKay adjusted his weight on his feet again. Despite his smile, his eyes were still worried, unmoving from Benson’s face as he twisted his hand. Turning it so even though the other doctor was holding his sleeve, he could touch the back of that hand.

For those few minutes, Elliot had forgotten reality. The fact that he was merely there only for a consult. The fact that he would only be there temporarily and eventually leave. Eventually. He shook his head once, "I...I don't know." The content expression that he had had, had started to melt away as reality sort of tumbled into them.

The OB-GYN's eyes were glued to the movement between their hands, half in awe that he was actually here in McKay's office. When so soon ago, he had told himself he wouldn't be here until there was a right time. But who was to say when the right time was? His eyes flickered up to the other doctor's, shaking his head at his words. "I really have no idea."

McKay should’ve known it didn’t change anything, but couldn’t help the twinge of disappointment. Well, in certain aspects, it most certainly did change something, just not the “something” he hoped. And there he was being selfish so the neurologist recoiled again. Not physically, but withdrew his emotions, hiding the disappointment and giving a small smile. “Yeah… I guessed that.”

Biting his lower lip McKay was finding that a sudden wave a desperation was a hard thing to hide. And that their touching hands weren’t nearly enough contact anymore. So he acted upon the thing he wish he’d done since he’d seen Benson downstairs. He pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face against his shoulder.

The movement was sudden and Benson relished in the warmth of McKay's body. He gave a half smile as he wrapped his arms around the more slender man in an equal embrace and pressed his own cheek against the neurologist's hair.

One hand rubbed McKay's back a little as a gesture of comfort and feeling. Benson said softly. "Let's not worry about that right now. I'm just glad to see you, Scott."
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Nasdapn7rewqb dsf-23vm ie3 2ev!!!!!!!!!!!!
what?! i don't speak Nasdapn7rewqb dsf-23vm ie3 2ev!!!!!!!!!!!!
I concur with the above.
*fart*